"Religion is like a swimming pool - all the noise is at the shallow end." theologian William H. Vanstone (1923-1999)

I’m denominationally single at the moment - I’ve been dating the Mennonites for a few years, but it’s nothing serious. My first love was the Catholic church.  In my late 20s, I was swept off my feet by those passionate Pentecostals. Twenty years later, a little jaded, I took the side exit with Brian McClaren and the Emergents.

After endless rounds of church ‘water sports’ in a crowded shallow end, I retired from my team   —exhausted. For a few years, I wanted to be left alone to swim out in the deep where it is quiet and uncrowded. I needed time to think - I've been thinking for the past ten years.

So, I’ve decided to call myself a contemplative for the time being. My apologies to those of you who have been dedicated travellers in this lane for decades. You who have profited from 14-day silent retreats, the centering prayer movement, Ignatian spirituality and such.  I've admired you from afar.  I am an imposter, but I know nowhere else to lay my weary spiritual body. It beckons me to rest, reflect and weigh up all that I know… and all that I don’t. It’s a perfect place to be.

I enjoyed writer Parker Palmer’s suggestion in his latest book ‘On the Brink of Everything’ to find a spiritual place that nurtures ‘the gift of bafflement’ rather than the prison of our religious absolutes. I have learnt to be content with mystery; to live in the places that are foggy and undefined – joining those baffled and confused ones.

This style of practice causes me to renew the way I live out my faith. I cycle through periods of stopping, resting and thinking and then return to activity. The Ignatians call it ‘Contemplation in Action’ –  thinking that seeks closeness to God. Resulting in right and loving actions.  Thomas Merton, one of my champions, would be happy that contemplation and meditation are in vogue!  Both are just devotion and prayer dressed up for our times.

We live in times filled with complicated issues, and the weight of our words is increasingly burdensome.  Contemplation relieves that pressure by allowing time to have a good think – a healthy dialogue with God - a place to relax and ask the questions that may be too bold or even too wild to declare out loud.

When I'm stressed, my rather nerdish form of relaxation is to complete a Sudoku or a crossword. I find both so soothing and calming. Likewise, contemplation or meditation allows time to sit quietly and play a game of spiritual Sudoku thoughtfully and quietly trying to find the pieces that will connect me with that elusive peace and understanding - cracking the spiritual code.

We have been warned from an early age to avoid diving into shallow water. Thie risk of injury is high. So take some time to walk up to the deep, find a spot where only you and the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob dwell. Take a deep breath and dive in headfirst. That is the act of holy contemplation.