I've got a high pain tolerance. Probably because I don't expect much, or at least I pretend I don't - so I beat pain in a sort of bullshitty sort of way.
I first experienced childbirth in a very pristine, clinical Swiss hospital in Zurich. Lots of white linen and stainless steel products.
In the adjacent birthing suite was a yeller. Who knows her life experience or her dilation measurements, but she was making some serious noise. The wailing became increasingly alarming.
For a first-timer, it was utterly terrifying. Is that what awaited me? During the 5-part birthing prep sessions with midwife Vreni, I don't remember being warned of the possibility of overhearing screams through thin walls. The raging decibels of the delivery was in stark contrast to the soft, nurturing tones offered by my team. A chunky Brazilian nurse assured me, "Don't you worry. She's Italian. They do that.” All of a sudden, the room next door was quiet. I didn't get to hear the predictable 'oohs' and 'aahs' post-birth.
During my 3-day hospital stay, I walked the corridors at all hours comforting my new boy, and I wondered where she was – which one of these women had the guts to voice her pain so freely. I never did get to meet the screamer or her baby, sharing a birthdate with my firstborn.
I gave birth quietly. Stoically. That's my way. That's how I've been taught. I'm not free enough to howl. Not free enough to be wild. To kick and to fight and never back down.
Now seems like a good time to never back down. To make lines in the sand and stand firm.
So many are voiceless not by choice but by nature of their life narrative and birth. Children, babies, immigrants, the poor and uneducated – and, in my case, the privileged who never needed to yell.
'We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.' says the writer of Romans.
Now is my time to groan. Or at least to encourage this growing wail. This universal lament. Let the whole world cry. Let something fresh be birthed.
Never Back Down. There, I said it. I'm joining creation.