Practice your wow and not your but.
When writing in a pandemic, one has to be aware that one is writing in a pandemic. Rather like when on vacation in Maui or Bali, or Tahiti one needs to remember at all times, 'these are just vacation thoughts'. THIS IS NOT THE REAL WORLD, thus avoiding the linked maladies of holiday romances whilst in a food and alcohol coma. Developing our social intelligence allows us to be in the moment whilst knowing that this is just a moment.
I love a good discussion. Perhaps that is the greatest void in this season of limited social connection. I am watching discussions on the screen. I am listening to way too many discussions through my earphones.
But I am thirsting for face to face chats. You remember the ones where you could see the subtilities of a smirk, the swish of a hand, the twinkle of the real-life eye. I'd even venture into a Board Room. Gate crash a prayer group. Be seen at a Starbucks (that's for the coffee snobs) Anywhere and with anyone. I'm tired of walking with people. In my pre-COVID life, I preferred to walk alone, only accompanied by Tippett, Gross or Swisher's pod-voices.
The discussion was already under an attack before all this happened. Before Trump. Before COVID.
We now have to be ultra-careful about what we say lest it is deciphered in an unfavourable light by the ruling thoughtsters. After all, it is the season of hyperpartisanship. Heidi Klum's mantra ‘
you are either in, or you are out' rings loud in my ears. Oh, and if I had a penny for every time I've given the 'shrewd as snakes and gentle as doves' pastoral advice lately.
Malcolm Gladwell says being interesting is the most critical tool for a writer. I find that it is one of the things that most attracts me to people. But we live in a world that is beginning to value tidy thoughts, linear thoughts, acceptable thoughts. It looks like the thought police might deprive me of such an essential part of life's journey. Interesting is getting harder to find.
Gladwell explains further that he loves to work out puzzles. He doesn't want everything worked out for him. I don't want to watch people doing the jigsaw puzzle; that would be boring. I am interested in doing this life puzzle with others – learning from their narrative and using it to create my own.
A teleprompter society will become boring. A community where stories can be told and those stories will be varied and colourful. And, if we are all made in the image of God, it follows that a Christian environment surely should be very colourful and very varied.
Gladwell says that to tell someone a story is taking a risk, and we need to practice our 'wow' response in the face of someone taking that chance. He says the 'wow' this is the greatest encouragement. We slowly shut down in the face of constant disinterest by others. What is even worse, is a continual response of 'but' or 'let me give you some feedback’. Feedback means criticism, by the way. Perhaps the image of someone scrolling on a device while you are talking is something we have got used to but is a poison to the art of discussion. Especially in these times of polarization, we don't know how people will react to our conversation – will they pick up on my bias, on my dumbness, on my doubt? The mask makes it even more challenging to read the response. To have someone engage in my doubt, despite my bias and sidestep, my ignorance is pure friendship and builds our trust for the other. I'm scared that even in this time where story and personal narrative are social media royalty, we will pick and choose what stories are allowed to be heard.
Be interested. Practice your 'wow' and not your 'but'. And please, answer my 'hello' with something. Anything.
